Certainty

So, I’ve been sick the last few days…the flu.  Sleeping on the couch so that hubby can sleep well.  Which means I’ve been seeing some really late night…or is it early morning?…TV. Last night, (this morning?) I watched a program about the Mormons.  The only part I really saw was their trek across the country.

It was a documentary, so there was commentary from different sources woven through out.  One woman was the great great granddaughter of a single mother who made the journey.  This single mother was an imigrant, and she walked the 1000 miles with her 3 children after making her own pull-cart.  She burried her son along the way, and once the journey was complete she didn’t walk for a year.  When later asked if she had any regrets, she said no, none.  Ever.  She never doubted.  Not even for a moment.  The g-g granddaughter commented that she didn’t think she would ever have that kind of certainty.  She went on to say that this is the reason she does not subscribe to the Mormon faith.  She said she still has faith, but it’s not based in certainty, it’s based in uncertainty.

That really made me think.  If my faith is based on certainty, is it really faith?  If it’s based on uncertainty, where is the faith?

On loosing a loved one

I lost a friend to cancer over the summer.  Joel lost an internet friend recently to cancer.  Another friend of mine just lost her grandfather.

Grief is one of those things that I am not all that familiar with.  There have been 3 significant people in my life enter heaven in the last few years; my Grandmother, my uncle, and my friend, Eddie.  My Grandmother passed away just before I gave myself to Jesus, my uncle and Eddie died after.

Coming to know Jesus has dramatically changed how I view death.  And it’s also dramatically changed how I view living.

Jesus suffered the loss of his good friend as well.  He wept at his passing.  He was also deeply moved at the grief that others were expressing.  He was human. He wept. (John 11:33-36)

I’m thinking that if he didn’t raise his friend from death at that point, then he would have come to the same realizations:  grieving, weeping, passing through anger, sorrow and depression are all part of the mourning and grieving process.  That tears express the love we had for the one who died.  And that the love we have for the one who died didn’t die with that person.  It never goes.  It never fades.  It becomes something different, something that will never change, something treasured.

I pray for my friends who are grieving their losses right now.  I grieve with them, but in a different way.  I grieve for their sorrow, wishing that in some small way I could make it better.

Os, ahtw’s odG doign ni yruo fiel?

I’m in a transitional place right now.  I’m not sure where we are headed, or how we’re going to get there but things are changing.

So I’m wondering:  What ’s God doing in your life?  How have you managed through the unsure times?  What scripture verses help you?

Please share…please?

Welcome to the world, little one…

Welcome to the world, Jesus.  Your introduction to us was, at best, horrible.  You, our savior, our messiah, born to a virgin in a stable.  Welcome to the world.  Your coming was foretold for so long by so many.  Your mere presence sent waves of shock into the hearts of those who refused to believe so that those in power ordered you to die before you ever spoke your first word.  Welcome to the world.  Your messenger, a star.  A star of hope, a glimmer of peace and joy.  Leading those who would believe right to you, so tiny, so fragile.  Welcome to the world.  Your mother so young, and yet so brave as to accept you at any cost.  Little did she know what would become of you; how you would be despised and hated, beaten, killed. Welcome to the world.

We need you.  We need you now like we needed you then.  You redeem, you forgive:  Again, and again and again.  We need a savior to bring us back to the Father who loves us.  We need your mercy, your compassoin, your love.

Your birth, your life, your death all for the purpose of saving us from us.

Welcome to the world, little one.

Christmas Maryisims

Tam has a GREAT post up on parenting.    It got me thinking to the fun stuff kids say at Christmas.  Here are the 12 Days of Christmas Maryisims:

12 Drummers playing
11 Lords are leaping
10 Pipers piping
9 Ladies dancing
8 Maids are melting
7 Swans are swimming
6 Geese are laying
5 Gooo0ld rings
4 Calling birds
3  French hens
2 Turtle doves
And a pot-fill-a-pid-a-pear tree!

SNOW DAY!!!

Here it is…the first snow day of the school year!!  Woo HOO…..but…wait…there’s no snow!!!

So, here is a recap for those of you who are NOT from Rhode Island:

December 13, 2007
From the Providence Journal:
“Oh, the weather outside was frightful on Dec. 13, 2007.

“But not as frightful as the lackadaisical response by city and state officials, as some people see it, when a modest snowstorm caused widespread traffic gridlock in the Providence metropolitan area in the afternoon and evening and stranded hundreds of young schoolchildren on buses for many hours.

“As an investigative commission put it, “near anarchy reigned in the city’s streets,” with motorists angrily confronting one another and at least 68 bus, car and truck accidents reported. While all this was going on, key officials went home or tended to other business, apparently oblivious to how matters had gotten out of hand.

“The last nine Providence schoolchildren to have been stranded — at the school bus yard — were not taken home by the police until 11:20 p.m., according to the commission.”

Now, the local weather forecast for Friday, December 19, 2008 is:

Yep, 8-12 inches predicted.  Not supposed to start until after noon time.  Now, notice that the word “Heaviest” appears at the state line between Rhode Island and Massachusetts.  Why, you ask, do I point that out?  Because all the schools in that area are open.  They are calling for early dismissal.  But not here.  Not where the “December Debacle” happened in Rhode Island.  Our kids get to have to stay home.  I’m not really in favor of this.  As a working  mom and as a mom, I’m not in favor of kids staying home when there is a moderate storm.  Yes, I understand the safety risks, however I think we have become to protective.  I would have been ok with my daughter going to school until noon today.  Really.  I would have.  THIS IS NEW ENGLAND FOLKS.  NOT LIKE IT’S NEVER SNOWED HERE BEFORE!!!

Instead, we will finish off some Christmas and Birthday (it’s hubby’s birthday today!!  Happy Birthday hun!!)  shopping, come home and wrap, bake cookies and birthday cake and have a good time.  She’ll be bugging me all the while to go sledding which of course I want to do, but have to tread lightly as my knee is still not up to snuff.

Anyway, check back later and see if I’ve posted some pics.  Should be fun today….if I can get some sleep now!!

And the rush is on…

I have gifts that have to be mailed.  I haven’t wrapped them.  I haven’t even finished shopping for that family.  I don’t know if the gifts will make it for Christmas.

So…how do you make sure your shipping is done it time?  I keep doing this…year after year…..HELP!!!

Deep Cold

This is a difficult time of year for me.  I can finally admit that.  This year, I wait for the arrival of a son.  I think of him all the time.  I pray for him, but not as much as I should.  I’m scared to.

He was born to another mother and father.  I know that right now, the plan is for him to come here as soon as he is strong enough to leave the hospital.  But I can’t help but think that he could one day be my son.  A son to love and care for.  A son to be a brother to my daughter.  A son to be a grandson to my parents and to my husband’s parents.  A son who’s presence in my life would change it forever…

Long ago, a young girl got the news that she would be a mother.  She wrestled with it.  She worried about it.  How could she, a young unmarried girl become a mother?  His birth had been foretold for years.  Prophets upon prophets had told of his coming.  He would be a savior, one to change life forever, for the world, for generations to come.  He would be born to her, and she would have the responsibility of raising him, loving him, nurturing him, tending to him when he was sick and rejoicing with him when he was successful.  And she said yes.  She didn’t even have to think about it.

For months she waited in anticipation.  And here I sit, thinking about what she must have felt.  A baby.  Not her’s.  She could have said no.  Strangely familiar to me.  Like her, I don’t know what the future holds.  But I know that in spite of my job loss, in spite of the unfamiliarity of having a baby, in spite my age and the age of my husband, this is what we are supposed to do.  We are supposed to love and care for this baby for as long as we need to.  I want to say that he is mine.  I want to say that we have a son coming.  But I don’t know.  I don’t know if all that we think is planned out is what is actually going to happen and because of that, I feel like I’m living in the midst of a frozen place in time.  My heart resides on the verge of tears almost all the time.  So much happening…so much we don’t know…so much I want.  So much fear that none of this will happen, and that I will be left jobless and babyless.  Mary is my one seed of hope.  She brings me more joy than I could have ever imagined.  Her smile, the twinkle in her eye when she is being playful….  God has blessed me more than I could ever imagine with a husband who loves me, cares for me and a daughter.  God knows the desires of our hearts…is this situation His response to the desire in my heart?

Testing, testing; one, two, three…

There is a great test going on here right now; my husband and I are going to need a lot of support.

My job is officially ending on Dec. 29th.  I got word yesterday.  Now, I’ve known about it for a while but I really didn’t address it because I hoped that somehow the company would come to their senses and realize that letting go 40% of the workforce at the end of the year was not a good idea.  So much for that idea.

I’ve been looking…but not seriously…for another job.  Now I need to really look.  But there is another story here as well.  We are hopefully going to be fostering a new born…an early born.  Through our extended church family, we learned of a pregnant birth mother who’s older children are in foster care already.  The state would like the siblings to have contact but the other foster family just can’t take on a newborn.  Enter us into the picture.  We are ready and willing.  Enter the challange:  the baby was born 13 weeks early.  He weighed under 2 lbs at birth.  We don’t know if there will be any other issues.  We do know that if he survives, he will be placed with us.

How, then, do I look for a job knowing that this little tiny guy will be coming here and needing more than just a few hours a day of my time?

I’m trusting that God has his hand on all of this and that he will work it out for us.  I’m trusting that the money we need will be found.  I’m trusting that…..well…I’m trusting.

It just never ends…

http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerIndex?id=6377575

 

http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerIndex?id=6378578