On Hugs

I watched this morning, as I do every morning, my second grader run down the driveway to the corner to await the bus.  One neighbor boy was already there, and his mother and sister were not far behind.  As they approached, the little girl squeeled “Maaaarrrryyy!!!!” as she darted up to hug her.  Mary opened her arms wide and embraced the little girl with a genuine hug.  A few minutes later, another boy approached from the opposite direction, and off the first boy went to embrace his friend.

When did we loose this genuine love of seeing one another?  Why is it that as an adult, hugging another adult is so difficult?  What I saw this morning was exactly what I think Jesus meant when He said “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”  (Matthew 18:3)  Surely He wants us to love as He does, and the genuine happiness that these children showed when they greeted each other with hugs and exclamations of happiness, is exactly how I imagine He would greet me.

God, grant me the ability to set aside my shallow inhibitions and embrace others as Jesus would embrace me; with genuine friendship and love.

Number, please…

My daughter’s birth mother was buried today.  What a brave girl I have.  She delt with all the stress of a funeral with dignity and inner strength that was  years beyond her age.

But bedtime is still a time for little girls to be little girls, and her tears squeezed out dispite her efforts.  I held her and rocked her as she struggled with questions that I simply cannot answer.  Why had her birth mother gotten cancer?  Why did she have to die?  Why didn’t she get to tell her birth mother that she loved her?

As we talked, I let her know that even though she couldn’t talk to her birth mother any longer, there was a way to tell her anything she wanted to.  I told her that she could ask Jesus to tell her mother all the things she wants her to know, and that Jesus was faithful to deliver those messages as soon as she makes them known.  Through her tears, my brave, brave little girl aske me, “Can I call God?  What is God’s phone number?”

Does anyone have the number?  I have a few questions for Him myself and would love to have a chat with him…

On saying goodbye

This is a difficult post.  My little girl just turned 8 years old.  Her birthday party was a smash hit, and she got to follow it with Easter Sunday the very next day.  Then, a short 10 days later, we have to break the news to her that her birth mother has passed away.  She died of cancer. She was 45.

The services start tomorrow evening with calling hours, and then the funeral is the next day.  How will we comfort this child when she is faced with the reality of the death of the woman who gave her life?  My heart is so heavy for her right now.  I knew this day was coming.  I knew it would happen soon.  I felt in an odd position due to the circumstances of our relationship.  This was a woman we have known for many years…someone who had been a friend, and then later a nemesis.

As we have woven our way through the process of transitioning roles in the life of this child, one thing has always been clear:  the love of a mother for a daughter.  This birth mother wanted this child.  She loved this child.  She adored this child.  She was completely ill-equipped to raise her.  I am capable, willing and able to raise this child.  I adore this child.  I love this child.  This adoptive mother wanted this child.  And even broader, the birth mother’s mother, has now become a member of our family and us of hers.  She lost her only daughter the other day; the mother to her grand daughter.  She told me tonight that she knows she has a new family with us as well, and she wants to introduce me as her daughter…her new daughter.

I don’t know how we will answer the questions that are bound to come up.  I know and trust that God is in control and will give us the words to speak at the very moment we need them.  But as I sit here and think about a mother saying goodbye to a daughter, a daughter saying goodbye to a mother, and a mother embracing a new daughter and a new mother, I can’t help but be in awe of the awesome creation that is family.  And how He really can make all things new.

Coming soon to a blog post near you…

I’ve been on a working vacation.  I have a lot to update, and will do it as soon as I get home and things settle down.  Stay tuned for more…

He Is Risen!

The “Why”

“If God can do miracles, why can’t He make me a Mermaid or a Fairy?”

“If God can make people better, why doesn’t He?”

“If God can see what’s in my heart, then why do I have to pray to Him and tell Him?”

“Why don’t all people believe like we do?”

“Why doesn’t God just answer?”

These are just a few of the questions I have been fielding from my daughter in the last few months.  Her eyes are just starting to see, and her heart is just starting to feel.  Sometimes, she is so tender that I worry if I answer a question honestly, it will break her heart.  The truth is, I don’t have complete answers to these questions, and I have some of the same questions.  Only mine are a little deeper.

I found myself in the library last week, looking at a book that was making a case against God and religion.  I don’t know why I allowed myself to continue to read, but I did…for about 15 min.  For the rest of that evening, and residually for the next couple of days something in me just didn’t feel right. 

Then, yesterday, I was on my way to go do some work at the new church and was thinking about the fact that it was Holy Thursday; the day Jesus was arrested.  My heart got heavy and I started to cry.  Not weeping crying, just crying.  I thought about my sins, and how His death was the only sacrifice that would atone me.  I thought about the fact that He knew I would sin and in what ways I would sin.  Then it hit me.  The book I had been reading was written by someone looking for something…justifying their position of needing evidence of His existance in order to believe.  I don’t need evidence.  It’s in my heart.  I FEEL it.  When the emotion of knowing that your savior died for you and for your sin even before you were born hits you, there is no way one can deny the existance of God, or Jesus or the events that happend so long ago.

No, I don’t have answers for my 8 yr old’s questions.  But I can tell her this:  That God loves her.  That Jesus died on the cross for her sins too and that one day, one glorious day, she will be face to face with Him too.

Excuse me, is this heaven?

I had to pinch myself yesterday.  I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming, or if it was real.  Turns out, it’s real.

I have a swing set in my yard.  Not that that is an accomplishment or anything, but it’s a landmark for me.  Something I never thought I’d see. At least not in my yard.  Sometimes in the midst of the day to day stuff I forget how God has worked in my life in the last couple years.  Next weekend marks the 6 month anniversary of our adoption.  The same weekend marks the first birthday that our daughter will have since being adopted.  Ladies and gentlemen, I have a daughter!  It’s for real.  It’s forever.  I have the swing set to prove it!

And on another note, that same daughter won first place in the National Junior Duck Stamp Design contest!  This national program  is one of the mainstays of funding for water foul refuges and rescue operations in the United States.  Each year students enter their drawings/paintings of water foul to be judged first on the local level, and then on the national level.  Mary won first place for her work, which she titled “Going Home”, a Canada goose in flight in her age group (k-3rd grade).  This was a state wide competition!!  We are very proud of her!  She met our congressman, had her picture taken with him and received a “Special Congressional Recognition” certificate signed by the Congressman.  Oh, and can’t forget the blue ribbon!  We had no idea when they called to say that Mary placed that she had won first place.  To be part of the top 100 of 519 entries was honor enough!  You can imagine our surprise when she was called for first place!

Mary’s art is the orange one to her left

Mary with RI Congressman James Langevin