4 little words

I wasn’t going to write this post but honestly, for me writing is how I deal with things.

Last Sunday, we got news that shocked us.  Fr. Dave, the pastor of our church, announced these 4 little words, “I have colon cancer.”  There was complete silence.  You could have heard a pin drop.  As we listened to the story of how the diagnosis was made and the plan for the immediate future, tears started to flow all around the room .  For me, I just sat stunned.  That is, until the prayers started.  It was at that point that my tears found their way out.

Fr. Dave told us all that he was at peace with it.  He said he knew that no matter what, it was ok.  If he survived, he was living for God.  If he didn’t, he was living with God.  His attitude was one of, how can you loose with options like that? I can understand that to an extent.  But I thought that if it was me, I might be a little more anxious.  I thought about the seemingly extreme faith that it would take to walk in that way.  I’m human, I just don’t think that my faith would carry me like that…

Wednesday I had to go to the doctor myself to get the results of a thyroid biopsy that I had two weeks earlier.  My appointment was at 9 am.  but I didn’t get to see the doctor until 10 am.  They explained to me that the doctor was waiting for a call back from Yale.  I didn’t think that they were waiting for my results, but I couldn’t have been more wrong.  When I did get to see the doctor, she explained to me that when they looked at the slides locally, they couldn’t come to a conclusion so they sent the slides to Yale.  She explained to me that what they saw was irregular.  They could not classify it as malignant, but it was clearly not benign.  She told me that there were some other cultures that needed to be done, but that even with that it the results would only lend either a “more likely malignant” or “more likely benign” answer and not a definitive.  The next day I got the answer.  I heard the 4 little words “cannot rule out malignancy”.  I was numb.  I didn’t know what to think. As the hours went by, I started to feel invaded.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I am in NO WAY drawing a comparison between a non-life threatening thyroid nodule that MIGHT be malignant to colon cancer.  I am, however, drawing a comparison between my faith and the faith of the man who has taught me for the last 4 years;  Where I am in my walk with Christ as compared to a man who teaches others to walk with Christ.

Until you hear those words, it’s impossible to imagine how you might feel.  I never in my life imagined that I would hear those words.  Maybe because there is no family history of it (save for skin cancer, which I have never really been afraid of).  To be honest, I’m not sure how I feel about it now.  I know I have to have surgery to remove my thyroid.  I’ve had so many surgeries that the thought of another one in and of itself is horrible.  It doesn’t get easier, by the way.  Just in case you were wondering.  I know that once the thyroid is removed, I’ll have to take a pill for the rest of my life; a little reminder to start off every day.  I know that they will look at lymph nodes in my neck and see if there has been any invasion there. But I’m standing on my faith.  I’m standing on the same faith that Fr. Dave is standing on: KNOWING that my life is precious to God.

I have another friend who has talked to me extensively about the book of Job.  The common interpretation of that book is that all that Job endured was a test of his faith.  That in the end, his submission to God, and to God’s final words to him, were a lesson to Job and his friends.  But that’s not what my friend sees.  My friend sees God the refiner at work.  He showed me that the trials that Job endured were not to prove anything to Satan, Job’s friends or Job.  Those trials were God’s way of putting the precious metal of Job into the furnace, melting him down to change the very molecular structure of his being, removing impurities and yielding a more pure Job in the end.  A furnace is hot.  Being melted down is unpleasant.  But when it was done, the bright, shiny man that emerged from the fires was an example for us to understand that God doesn’t WANT us to suffer, but that when we are suffering, HE is working to improve us.  An un-stuffed teddy bear can’t be fixed without a needle and thread.  I am standing in faith that whatever is going on within me is only going to make me more pure and beautiful in God’s eyes when it’s all done.  I’m standing on faith that God sees me as his precious child, and that no matter what, He is not going to leave me alone.  I’m standing on faith.

Check out The Joint

Hey….if you know me then you know I’m into music.  So, a friend of mine is a reviewer on a blog called “The Joint“.  These guys give real, honest reviews about new Christian music.  And not just one review.  You get 4 different opinions…4 different angels in one place.  This is good stuff…good music, honest reviews, massive giveaways.  For real.  Go check it out.  I promise you won’t be disappointed!

 

One Christian’s Christian Response to the Vote on the Health Care Bill

Last night I watched in utter dismay as the United States House of Representatives approved the much debated health care reform bill by a vote of 220 to 215.  I went to bed fretting about this.  I adamantly oppose this bill for many reasons, but most notably the proposition that abortions could be paid for with taxpayer money.  This fact alone makes me want to see the whole thing sent back to the drawing board and re-written so that abortions cannot be covered by taxpayer monies, and that the provision for that can never be added in at a later date.  But that’s not what this post is about.  This post is about how this Christian has come to terms with what is going on in Washington D.C.

This morning in church, we heard a message on patience and suffering.  I went back to re-read some of the scripture in 1Peter chapter 2 and this is what I read:

¹³Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority,¹⁴or to governors as sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and the praise of those who do right.

¹⁵For such is the will of God that by doing right you may silence the ignorance of foolish men.

¹⁶Act as free men, and do not use your freedom as a covering for evil, but use it as bondslaves of God.

¹⁷Honor all people, love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the king.

¹⁸Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable.

¹⁹For this finds favor, if for the sake of conscience toward God a person bears up under sorrows when suffering unjustly.

²⁰For what credit is there if, when you sin and are harshly treated, you endure it with patience? But if when you do what is right and suffer for it you patiently endure it, this finds favor with God.

It’s easy to get wrapped up in politics and be angry or pleased with the outcome of whatever the hot button issue of the day is.  It’s even easier to gloat when things go the way you want, or the way you think it should be.  We live in such a sports crazed world…it’s not a wonder we hoot and holler when we “win” something political.

The verse above spoke volumes to me, especially “Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority…”  It’s our duty, as Christians, to submit to whatever leadership is in place, regardless of whether we agree with the policies or not.  This pleases God, because all those in leadership are there because God placed them there.  And if while they are there, it causes me to suffer, or to be discontent, then I need to do so in silence.  Yes, I know, we live in the United States of America and I, too, have a voice.  And I exercise that voice.  I vote.  I debate the issues.  I learn about them to reach educated conclusions.  But once it’s all said and done, it then becomes time for me to sit down.  It becomes time for me to enter into a time of prayer for those that are in leadership.  It is NOT a time for me to complain, or to spew my anger, the venom of Satan.

I am in no way suggesting that as American Christians we should remain silent on issues we are passionate about.  But there comes a time when the talking, and the debating, and the arguing, and the anger and the gloating need to subside and the prayer needs to begin.

Not cool, Mr. President, not cool.

But, I’m not surprised.  He has proven himself, in my opinion, to be exactly what I thought he was from the beginning;  Just not ready to be president of the United States.  He just doesn’t have what it takes.  Oh and I’m sure his wife was just thrilled to see this little snap.  (No pun intended.)  He’s the president, you’d think he’d be a little more in control of his “natural tendencies” don’t you think?

While the rest of us are left struggling with the current health crisis of H1N1, the health care reform crisis, a war in Afghanistan, a war in Iraq, a housing crisis, a plummeting economy, a sky-rocketing unemployment rate and a host of other things, Mr. Obama is out fund raising for the democratic party in Jacksonville, FL (10/26), rallying support for democratic candidate Creigh Deeds in Norfolk, VA, (10/27) and attending a commemorative tree planting (10/28).

In the mean time, his daughters, ages 8 and 11, got their H1N1 flu shots last week.  We’re still waiting here.  Now, a little background that I’ve learned about this shot.  For kids under 10, it is recommended that a booster is given 21-30 days after the first one.  That’s so their young bodies can work up a whole bunch of antibodies to this horrible virus.  Here in Rhode Island, the shots are being given out through the school clinics.  You can’t get them from your private physician (much like the Obama girls did) because the state wants to ensure that all school aged children have the opportunity to get it.  It’s being done lottery fashion, with a computerized system to randomly place clinic locations on the list.  Fair enough.  Trouble is, the second shot.  It, too, will be done in school clinics, presumably randomly selected as well.  The expectation is that it won’t be available until sometime in January.  Um, that’s about a month too late for my daughter and the other kids at her school.  But, according to the health officials, at least she’ll have one.

So, Mr. President, will your daughters be getting the booster?  And if so, will they be getting it in time?  Or, do you not know because you are off raising money, or rallying up the democrats in a state that’s pretty much turned it’s back on you…

I’m just askin….

Amazing

Sometimes the wisest words come from children.  Listen.

Readn’, Writin’, Rith-ma-tic and the meanest Mom Ever

I had a brief e-mail conversation with my dad the last couple of days regarding our recreational soccer league’s rule about no score keeping and no winners/losers.  It was interesting to get the different, more conservative values that he brings to the table.  I always thought my dad to be conservative, but in a liberal kind of way (if that makes any sense).  But I think the truth is that he is conservatively liberal.  Or…liberally conservative?  I don’t even know.  I don’t even know how to qualify myself…

He commented to me that he wasn’t sure he supported that position.  His thought is that we need to be teaching our kids that winning and loosing are part of life.  That it’s OK to be a winner, and if you loose then you try harder the next time.  He said that he had just finished reading Glenn Beck’s book, “Arguing With Idiots” in which Beck points out that there is a progressive philosophy dictating the “feel good/don’t upset the child” attitude of teachers in parts of this great country.  Beck writes that in many places in America, schools are tailoring their teaching  to the “needs” of the students…their emotional needs, their psychological needs, not so much their academic needs.   He highlighted a couple of examples, like not using a red pen because it scares the child, or putting everyone’s paper on the wall so that none feel left out, and eliminating the letter grade since it makes poor performers feel bad.  From that perspective, I see his point.  If that’s what’s happening, then yes, we are raising a generation of mediocre performers who will someday be in charge of things like, war, peace, senior care…

Well, today it’s cold and rainy here in the north east.  So when it was time, I bundled my girl up in her warmest coat, admonished her (strongly) to leave the hood up, and sent her to the corner (right in front of my house) to wait for no more than 2 min  for the school bus.  While she was there, the mom in the first car in the line of 3 that were now waiting with their children for the same bus, offered to let Mary wait in the car with them.  Mary did the right thing by looking for my approval, which she didn’t get.

(dramatic pause)

Why?

(another dramatic pause)

For the very reasons stated above.  There is no reason that my child, with the proper attire, cannot wait for 2 min in a cold rain for a bus.  NONE.  Not one.  I can’t think of ANY reason that my daughter can’t stand in front of the house for the brief time it takes for the bus to arrive.  I don’t send her out a half hour early.  I don’t send her out without the proper clothing or outerwear.  I’m amazed that in this neighborhood, small as we are, that there would be parents who think it too cold, too rainy, too…whatever…to allow their child to stand in it for 2 or 3 min.  And yet, that’s exactly what they do.  For generations, children walked to school.  Then for more generations, they walked to ONE bus stop to wait for the bus.  Now, the bus stops at every corner, and here in this neighborhood, it stops at the end of one driveway (that and 2 other stops in our sparse neighborhood of 18 homes).  And yes, I do understand the safety reasons behind the frequent stops and I’m not against that one bit. (Thank you child molesters and kid-nappers for that little bit of insanity)  But when the bus stop is not 200 yards from your house, to DRIVE HER to the stop is, in my opinion, the act of a crewel and compassion-less parent.  What is going to happen to that child?  Are they going to melt?  Freeze to death?  Catch the death of cold?  I’m sorry, but seriously.  Is it necessary to spoil your elementary student to that extent?  I’m not trying to be mean to my daughter by not letting her wait in the neighbors car.  I love her to pieces.  But I want her to learn how to do some of the tough things in life, like waiting for a bus in the rain, or loosing a soccer game, or getting a red letter grade on her paper at school.  At the same time, I understand the philosophy behind the soccer league rules…and it keeps kids outside…rain or shine no less…playing.  Different from being driven 200 yards to the bus stop…

I’m just sayn.

But, in the minds of my neighbors, I am, certainly now anyway, the meanest mom on the block.  Mary still say’s I’m the best.  I think I’ll listen to her.

Whirl-Wind Weekend

Wow.  Where do I begin?  Yesterday, October 10, was our one year anniversary of our adoption of Mary.  We wanted to let her celebrate it somehow, and what we decided on was to allow her to invite a friend or two to go to the movies.  It ended up being only one friend, but I don’t think she could have picked a better friend.  She invited Kaitlyn, who she has been friends with since she moved in with us.  Kaitlyn and Mary were in the same first and second grade classes, and the two are in the same Brownie troop.  So, I took the girls to Providence to see Coudy, With a Chance of Meatballs in iMax 3D.  It was quite amazing.  The girls got to “shop” for a while, (Claire’s, of course).  Then, they found their way to Build-A-Bear, where each girl got a bear.

They had a tremendous amount of fun, picking out the bears, dressing them, naming them.  What was really funny was the stress the girls put on themselves over the choices of clothes!  Neither girl ended up with the the bear they originally chose!  Mary picked a brown dog, and dressed it to match what she was wearing. Kaitlyn left with a polar bear, dressed in an outfit that roughly matched what she was wearing.

Kaitlyn’s mom and little sister joined us at the mall, and then we all headed over to “Waterfire Place” in down town Providence for one of the last Waterfire events of the year.  Waterfire is a unique event that the city puts on every summer.  From their website:  “WaterFire centers on a series of 100 bonfires that blaze just above the surface of the three rivers that pass through the middle of downtown Providence.” About twice a month the fires are lit.  They are sponsored by different organizations, and last night it was the  Gloria Gemma Breast Cancer Research Foundation.  It was a spectacular event, with torches carried from the state house steps to the river by hundreds of breast cancer survivors.  The torch bearers were assembled on the steps in the shape of the ribbon.  As they were gathering, Mary asked me who they all were.  I asked around and learned they were all survivors, or battling the disease.  She wanted to know when she could be “up there”.  I didn’t know how to answer her, except to say again, that those were all people who had the disease.  She said “Yeah, but my mom…”  I said, “Sweety, I know, but unfortunately, it was too late for your mom.”  I don’t know why that answer came out.  But it did.  I hugged her, as she wiped away her tears.  Then, she went on to find Kaitlyn.  At one point, I looked over at them to see the two girls, standing close, Kaitlyn with her arm around Mary’s shoulders.  I saw her explain to another little girl, who was about the same age, that Mary was a little sad because her mom died of breast cancer.  The other girl, whom Mary had just met, offered her condolences to Mary.  This girl, too, knew of breast cancer since her own mom had fought it and survived.  I couldn’t help but marvel at these children, comforting one another, sharing a common monster.  Kaitlyn’s grandmothers are both breast cancer survivors.  And so there, standing in front of me, were 3 girls, all with good reason to be there, where hope is the focus.   As the torch bearers walked to the river, the song “My Heart Will Go On” sung by Celine Dion was played over the sound system.  I fell apart.  I couldn’t help it.  Jayne was my friend, and in spite of all that happened with regard to Mary, I still felt the sting of her untimely death.  And the irony of the date, and the gift she gave me,  couldn’t be missed. 

The Little Knight Takes Up a Cause

I’m in trouble, right?

Musings

I heard a great take on “doubting Thomas” the other night.  It’s been on my mind since.

Justin McRoberts was at Lifepath on Sunday.  He gave a great message about Compassion Int. and then he did a show in the evening.  During the show, he told us a story about himself and some friends.  It was at a time when 2 very important people in his life passed away.  He was still learning about Christ, and his friends were aware of this.  They questioned him on how he could still have faith in God after what had happened.  Justin explained to us that as we look at the story of Thomas, there is an interesting fact that is often overlooked.  Thomas needed to see and feel the wounds on Jesus before he would believe that Jesus had in fact risen.  And so Jesus, wounds and all, appeared to Thomas and allowed him to touch and and feel the wounds.  …touch and feel the wounds….of the risen Christ.  The RISEN CHRIST BORE THE SCARS OF THE WOUNDS THAT KILLED HIM.  That’s the part we overlook.  He took the wounds with him.  They were not completely healed.  It was through these scars that Thomas could believe

What does this mean to me?  It means that if I am “wounded”, and who among us isn’t, and I seek healing but don’t receive the healing I desire, it may just be that through MY wounds, MY faith will shine for someone else.  My wounds then become a doorway by which someone who is unbelieving, or doubting, may pass.

“You see the question isn’t are you gonna die, you’re gonna die.  But will you be done living when you do?” Justin McRoberts