One Christian’s Christian Response to the Vote on the Health Care Bill

Last night I watched in utter dismay as the United States House of Representatives approved the much debated health care reform bill by a vote of 220 to 215.  I went to bed fretting about this.  I adamantly oppose this bill for many reasons, but most notably the proposition that abortions could be paid for with taxpayer money.  This fact alone makes me want to see the whole thing sent back to the drawing board and re-written so that abortions cannot be covered by taxpayer monies, and that the provision for that can never be added in at a later date.  But that’s not what this post is about.  This post is about how this Christian has come to terms with what is going on in Washington D.C.

This morning in church, we heard a message on patience and suffering.  I went back to re-read some of the scripture in 1Peter chapter 2 and this is what I read:

¹³Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority,¹⁴or to governors as sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and the praise of those who do right.

¹⁵For such is the will of God that by doing right you may silence the ignorance of foolish men.

¹⁶Act as free men, and do not use your freedom as a covering for evil, but use it as bondslaves of God.

¹⁷Honor all people, love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the king.

¹⁸Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable.

¹⁹For this finds favor, if for the sake of conscience toward God a person bears up under sorrows when suffering unjustly.

²⁰For what credit is there if, when you sin and are harshly treated, you endure it with patience? But if when you do what is right and suffer for it you patiently endure it, this finds favor with God.

It’s easy to get wrapped up in politics and be angry or pleased with the outcome of whatever the hot button issue of the day is.  It’s even easier to gloat when things go the way you want, or the way you think it should be.  We live in such a sports crazed world…it’s not a wonder we hoot and holler when we “win” something political.

The verse above spoke volumes to me, especially “Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority…”  It’s our duty, as Christians, to submit to whatever leadership is in place, regardless of whether we agree with the policies or not.  This pleases God, because all those in leadership are there because God placed them there.  And if while they are there, it causes me to suffer, or to be discontent, then I need to do so in silence.  Yes, I know, we live in the United States of America and I, too, have a voice.  And I exercise that voice.  I vote.  I debate the issues.  I learn about them to reach educated conclusions.  But once it’s all said and done, it then becomes time for me to sit down.  It becomes time for me to enter into a time of prayer for those that are in leadership.  It is NOT a time for me to complain, or to spew my anger, the venom of Satan.

I am in no way suggesting that as American Christians we should remain silent on issues we are passionate about.  But there comes a time when the talking, and the debating, and the arguing, and the anger and the gloating need to subside and the prayer needs to begin.

An Eye for an Eye

There is sad news today out of Wichita.  Dr. George Tiller was shot and killed at his church this morning while attending services.  I’m sickened.

Don’t know Dr. Tiller?  Read on from CNN.com:

“Tiller was one of the few U.S. physicians who still performed late-term abortions. In 1993, he was shot and wounded through both arms outside his Wichita clinic. Shelley Shannon, an ardent foe of abortion, was convicted of attempted murder in the shooting and is currently serving a 20-year sentence in federal prison.”

“”He was continually harassed by abortion opponents for much of his career — his clinic was burned down, he was shot by a health center protester, and he was recently targeted for investigation only to be acquitted by a jury just a few months ago,” Planned Parenthood Federation President Cecile Richards said in a written statement.”

“In March, Tiller was acquitted of 19 counts of performing procedures unlawfully at his clinic. In 2008, a probe initiated by abortion opponents who petitioned state authorities to convene a grand jury ended without charges.”

I qualify myself as pro-life.  My own life experiences have shown me the value of human life to such a degree that I cannot and will not    support abortion for any reason.  But to kill the abortionist?  I don’t understand that.

So many pro-life advocates will claim that the bible says “An eye for an eye”.  Yup.  It does.  In the old testament.  Under the old law.  As a Christian, I believe that when Jesus died on the cross the veil was torn, the old law was torn with it and the new covenant was firmly in place.

I’m sorry for the loss of this man.  He, too, was made in God’s image and as such, is and was worthy of the love of Christ from all who count themselves among believers.  I don’t know where he will spend eternity.  God have mercy.

Tears

My heart is cracked.  I don’t want it to be broken again but there is a chance that could happen it has happened again.  On the outside, to everyone else, I know the right words, I appear strong and able.  In the quiet moments with myself I cry, I weep.  No one but God knows the agony in my heart.

Knowing that He knows the plan is not always enough.  I trust that He will protect me and be with me in my moments of need but still I am empty inside, longing for what I don’t have, sorrowful for what has been lost.  I rejoice in what I have.  I love what He has done for me, and who He has put in my life and yet….the tears fall into pools of self doubt and self pity; neither of which are from Him.

Somewhere there is a cry left unheard, a need left unmet.  I pray God will lead me to the cry, to the need.  That through Him and in His timing my cry too will be heard, and my need met.

Me then vs. Me now on abortion

I was thinking this morning about the fact that this is Sanctity of Life week.  Many many people, both pro life and pro choice feel passionately about the issue of abortion.  I have been on both sides of the fence, and I wondered how I would discuss the issue with myself from both sides.  Here’s my attempt.

Me then:
As far as I’m concerned, it’s MY body and I can do what ever I want with it.  If I choose to have an abortion, how can that have ANY impact on you?

Me now:
It may be your body but it’s not your life that you are ending.

Me then:
Well, it can’t survive without me anyway so it’s still part of my body.

Me now: 
It has a heart beat.  It has hair, fingernails and it’s very own DNA.

Me then:
Men should really stay out of this debate.  When they can go through a pregnancy with all the hormone changes, physical changes, labor pains and stretch marks, THEN they have a right to tell me what to do and what not to do with my body.

Me now:
Men have every right and responsibility to enter into this debate:
James 1:27
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Men were given this instruction; To look after the orphans and widows.  Those who cannot defend themselves….do not unborn fit into this category?

Me then:
I have the right to choose.  I was born with that right and NO one can take that away from me.  In this country, I have a right to make the choice, it’s part of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  You have no idea what it’s like for me.

Me now:
Yes, I do.  I had an abortion.  And I lost a pregnancy too.  I know the fear, the pain and the struggle of the crisis pregnancy.  I also know the pain that creeps up later when you don’t expect it.  And now I know how God feels about it, and how He feels about me.  I’m forgiven.  But I can’t just be silent now.  I have to, in some way, in some form, help someone else who has suffered what I have suffered, and in the process maybe help to prevent someone from suffering what I have suffered.

Pray not for the unborn, but for the undecided; that they will choose life for the unborn and for themselves.

Life since High School

Recently through facebook I have  been re-connecting with some old classmates, so I’ve been thinking a lot about the twists and turns that got me where I am.

Summer between sophomore and junior year of high school, my parents divorced and we moved to the east coast from the mid west. Life wasn’t easy. Here’s the rundown in fast forward:

Struggled with the new social rules and language, joined the swim team, made varsity, went out for softball and blew out my knee triggering all the surgeries, worked at Wendy’s, finished high school, worked at an electronics manufacturing plant, got pregnant, had an abortion, married the guy, had a ruptured ectopic pregnancy, divorced, worked, worked, worked, moved to California to be a ‘nanny’/Auntie to my beautiful nephew and niece, started a long distance relationship with Mr. Right, moved to Michigan, moved to New Hampshire, married Mr. Right, built a house, got a puppy, started taking classes to change careers, got another puppy, moved to Connecticut (hated it), adopted another young dog (bringing the total to 3 dogs at 1yr, 1 1/2 yrs, and 2 yrs old.)  Moved to Rhode Island, met my father-in-faith via the internet and was led to Jesus, found my church family, started a new career as a tech writer, fostered a child, adopted that child, waiting to hear about fostering another; this time a newborn.

There…that about covers it.  Looking back, there were defining moments: parents divorce, moving away, abortion, ectopic pregnancy, divorce, that really changed me, and one defining moment that really confirmed Me.  I’m not proud of what I did.  But I’ve been granted the forgiveness and mercy that helps me to learn and move forward and beyond those moments.

As difficult as it has been at times, God knew all along the path I would have to walk.  He wanted different things for me however I made choices that changed the path.  But never the goal.  God made sure of that.

Last Letter

My Dear Children,

The day has arrived for me to let you go.  I have not wanted this day to come for obvious reasons, but I have been waiting for it for so many years.  The sun is shining brightly this morning, and the sky is crystal clear; just the kind of day that makes the earth look happy.

This is going to be my last letter to you.  Not because I don’t want to write to you, but because in saying good bye, I need to close the door behind that keeps me in this prison and cross the bridge to a new life, one without regrets and without sorrow over you.  One that rejoices in knowing that you were, even for a few brief moments, lives that had meaning, purpose.  Lives that will not be forgotten but will be remembered with joy rather than shame, guilt and sorrow.  I want that so badly, and I’m sure that you would want it to be that way as well.

I wish that I could share with you the joys of earthly childhood; the meaning of a mommy wiping a tear, or the feeling of climbing into a welcoming lap when the world has beaten you down.  I wish that I could see your faces, and hear your voices.  But it was not meant to be in this lifetime.  I can look forward to seeing you, hearing you, holding you, knowing you in the kingdom of Heaven!  The anticipation is great, but please know that the love is greater.  The love that keeps me right where I am, giving to the little girl God has given me all the things I would give to you, but knowing that she is not you, and you are waiting for me!  In her, I will continue to see you, and through loving her, I will be loving you.  She is my purpose, and a gift from the God that loves and cares for you.

I know that letting go of you is not going to be easy.  I know that there will be tears.  But I also know that when I have really let you go to the One who created you and loves you more than I can fathom, I will be free to cross over the bridge to a better place in my own life.

Please know that this is a bitter sweet day for me, one that will not be forgotten, just as you are not forgotten.

Love, Mommy

Anatomy of an Abortion

She walked, slowly, up the stairs. Reaching for the glass door, she was unsure what to expect. Instantly she thought of the series of events that lead to this moment; shame and fear flooded over her. One small part of her wanted to run, run from the door, from him, from them, from the whole situation. But she didn’t. The part of her that wanted to run was overpowered by her pride. She couldn’t do what she wanted to now no matter what. It would mean she wasn’t strong. It would mean admitting that she wasn’t capable of making her own decisions only reinforcing that THIS decision was right because it was theirs, that they were right. Going on her own allowed her to maintain some level of control in an otherwise out of control situation. It made them think that she agreed with them, and it made her feel like she was making the decision. She continued to wrestle with the decision as she walked through the door and into the cold empty lobby.

She thought she would see a medical office, with office staff and other familiar sights. She thought she would see a waiting room, complete with magazines and tables. Instead, it was more like a corporate office lobby. It seemed cold, professional. The thoughts of running crept in again, but once again pride over took them.

As she waited for her “interview”, she again thought of the circumstances that brought her to this point. Why, she wondered, had she violated her own moral code? Why had she defied her parents, her mother? Why had she wanted to wander from the safety and security of childhood? And why can’t she go back? Why does it have to be this way? She wanted to turn back the hands of time and change the decisions that were made, to make better ones…different ones. She looked down at her slightly swollen belly, and quickly diverted her own attention. She couldn’t, wouldn’t, allow herself to go there. She couldn’t think about it.

A moment later, they called her name. She followed through the wooden door. A few hours later, she emerged, tearfully, painfully, empty.

Wait for me…

If I could hold you, just once
to  touch your cheek,
to kiss your brow,
to give you something of me to take with you…

If I could hear you, just once
to hear your laughter,
to sense your joy,
to give you something of me to take with you…

If I could be with you, just once
to know your likes,
to wipe your tears,
to give you something of me to take when you go…

Wait for me.
I have not forgotten.
I have work left to be done here.
Wait for me.

For Everything Else…

New leather bound bible, bible cover,
tabs, bookmark and highlighter:$50

Worship CD:  $13

Inspirational wallet insert:  $1

For everything else:  Forgiveness…………………………Priceless. 

Woven Lace

Whisper
   Soft
      Special
         Voice
Sweet
   Tender
      Loving
         Noise
Moment
   Captured
      Secret
         Place
Safe
   Forever
      Woven
         Lace