4 little words

I wasn’t going to write this post but honestly, for me writing is how I deal with things.

Last Sunday, we got news that shocked us.  Fr. Dave, the pastor of our church, announced these 4 little words, “I have colon cancer.”  There was complete silence.  You could have heard a pin drop.  As we listened to the story of how the diagnosis was made and the plan for the immediate future, tears started to flow all around the room .  For me, I just sat stunned.  That is, until the prayers started.  It was at that point that my tears found their way out.

Fr. Dave told us all that he was at peace with it.  He said he knew that no matter what, it was ok.  If he survived, he was living for God.  If he didn’t, he was living with God.  His attitude was one of, how can you loose with options like that? I can understand that to an extent.  But I thought that if it was me, I might be a little more anxious.  I thought about the seemingly extreme faith that it would take to walk in that way.  I’m human, I just don’t think that my faith would carry me like that…

Wednesday I had to go to the doctor myself to get the results of a thyroid biopsy that I had two weeks earlier.  My appointment was at 9 am.  but I didn’t get to see the doctor until 10 am.  They explained to me that the doctor was waiting for a call back from Yale.  I didn’t think that they were waiting for my results, but I couldn’t have been more wrong.  When I did get to see the doctor, she explained to me that when they looked at the slides locally, they couldn’t come to a conclusion so they sent the slides to Yale.  She explained to me that what they saw was irregular.  They could not classify it as malignant, but it was clearly not benign.  She told me that there were some other cultures that needed to be done, but that even with that it the results would only lend either a “more likely malignant” or “more likely benign” answer and not a definitive.  The next day I got the answer.  I heard the 4 little words “cannot rule out malignancy”.  I was numb.  I didn’t know what to think. As the hours went by, I started to feel invaded.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I am in NO WAY drawing a comparison between a non-life threatening thyroid nodule that MIGHT be malignant to colon cancer.  I am, however, drawing a comparison between my faith and the faith of the man who has taught me for the last 4 years;  Where I am in my walk with Christ as compared to a man who teaches others to walk with Christ.

Until you hear those words, it’s impossible to imagine how you might feel.  I never in my life imagined that I would hear those words.  Maybe because there is no family history of it (save for skin cancer, which I have never really been afraid of).  To be honest, I’m not sure how I feel about it now.  I know I have to have surgery to remove my thyroid.  I’ve had so many surgeries that the thought of another one in and of itself is horrible.  It doesn’t get easier, by the way.  Just in case you were wondering.  I know that once the thyroid is removed, I’ll have to take a pill for the rest of my life; a little reminder to start off every day.  I know that they will look at lymph nodes in my neck and see if there has been any invasion there. But I’m standing on my faith.  I’m standing on the same faith that Fr. Dave is standing on: KNOWING that my life is precious to God.

I have another friend who has talked to me extensively about the book of Job.  The common interpretation of that book is that all that Job endured was a test of his faith.  That in the end, his submission to God, and to God’s final words to him, were a lesson to Job and his friends.  But that’s not what my friend sees.  My friend sees God the refiner at work.  He showed me that the trials that Job endured were not to prove anything to Satan, Job’s friends or Job.  Those trials were God’s way of putting the precious metal of Job into the furnace, melting him down to change the very molecular structure of his being, removing impurities and yielding a more pure Job in the end.  A furnace is hot.  Being melted down is unpleasant.  But when it was done, the bright, shiny man that emerged from the fires was an example for us to understand that God doesn’t WANT us to suffer, but that when we are suffering, HE is working to improve us.  An un-stuffed teddy bear can’t be fixed without a needle and thread.  I am standing in faith that whatever is going on within me is only going to make me more pure and beautiful in God’s eyes when it’s all done.  I’m standing on faith that God sees me as his precious child, and that no matter what, He is not going to leave me alone.  I’m standing on faith.

Check out The Joint

Hey….if you know me then you know I’m into music.  So, a friend of mine is a reviewer on a blog called “The Joint“.  These guys give real, honest reviews about new Christian music.  And not just one review.  You get 4 different opinions…4 different angels in one place.  This is good stuff…good music, honest reviews, massive giveaways.  For real.  Go check it out.  I promise you won’t be disappointed!

 

Not cool, Mr. President, not cool.

But, I’m not surprised.  He has proven himself, in my opinion, to be exactly what I thought he was from the beginning;  Just not ready to be president of the United States.  He just doesn’t have what it takes.  Oh and I’m sure his wife was just thrilled to see this little snap.  (No pun intended.)  He’s the president, you’d think he’d be a little more in control of his “natural tendencies” don’t you think?

While the rest of us are left struggling with the current health crisis of H1N1, the health care reform crisis, a war in Afghanistan, a war in Iraq, a housing crisis, a plummeting economy, a sky-rocketing unemployment rate and a host of other things, Mr. Obama is out fund raising for the democratic party in Jacksonville, FL (10/26), rallying support for democratic candidate Creigh Deeds in Norfolk, VA, (10/27) and attending a commemorative tree planting (10/28).

In the mean time, his daughters, ages 8 and 11, got their H1N1 flu shots last week.  We’re still waiting here.  Now, a little background that I’ve learned about this shot.  For kids under 10, it is recommended that a booster is given 21-30 days after the first one.  That’s so their young bodies can work up a whole bunch of antibodies to this horrible virus.  Here in Rhode Island, the shots are being given out through the school clinics.  You can’t get them from your private physician (much like the Obama girls did) because the state wants to ensure that all school aged children have the opportunity to get it.  It’s being done lottery fashion, with a computerized system to randomly place clinic locations on the list.  Fair enough.  Trouble is, the second shot.  It, too, will be done in school clinics, presumably randomly selected as well.  The expectation is that it won’t be available until sometime in January.  Um, that’s about a month too late for my daughter and the other kids at her school.  But, according to the health officials, at least she’ll have one.

So, Mr. President, will your daughters be getting the booster?  And if so, will they be getting it in time?  Or, do you not know because you are off raising money, or rallying up the democrats in a state that’s pretty much turned it’s back on you…

I’m just askin….

Amazing

Sometimes the wisest words come from children.  Listen.

Whirl-Wind Weekend

Wow.  Where do I begin?  Yesterday, October 10, was our one year anniversary of our adoption of Mary.  We wanted to let her celebrate it somehow, and what we decided on was to allow her to invite a friend or two to go to the movies.  It ended up being only one friend, but I don’t think she could have picked a better friend.  She invited Kaitlyn, who she has been friends with since she moved in with us.  Kaitlyn and Mary were in the same first and second grade classes, and the two are in the same Brownie troop.  So, I took the girls to Providence to see Coudy, With a Chance of Meatballs in iMax 3D.  It was quite amazing.  The girls got to “shop” for a while, (Claire’s, of course).  Then, they found their way to Build-A-Bear, where each girl got a bear.

They had a tremendous amount of fun, picking out the bears, dressing them, naming them.  What was really funny was the stress the girls put on themselves over the choices of clothes!  Neither girl ended up with the the bear they originally chose!  Mary picked a brown dog, and dressed it to match what she was wearing. Kaitlyn left with a polar bear, dressed in an outfit that roughly matched what she was wearing.

Kaitlyn’s mom and little sister joined us at the mall, and then we all headed over to “Waterfire Place” in down town Providence for one of the last Waterfire events of the year.  Waterfire is a unique event that the city puts on every summer.  From their website:  “WaterFire centers on a series of 100 bonfires that blaze just above the surface of the three rivers that pass through the middle of downtown Providence.” About twice a month the fires are lit.  They are sponsored by different organizations, and last night it was the  Gloria Gemma Breast Cancer Research Foundation.  It was a spectacular event, with torches carried from the state house steps to the river by hundreds of breast cancer survivors.  The torch bearers were assembled on the steps in the shape of the ribbon.  As they were gathering, Mary asked me who they all were.  I asked around and learned they were all survivors, or battling the disease.  She wanted to know when she could be “up there”.  I didn’t know how to answer her, except to say again, that those were all people who had the disease.  She said “Yeah, but my mom…”  I said, “Sweety, I know, but unfortunately, it was too late for your mom.”  I don’t know why that answer came out.  But it did.  I hugged her, as she wiped away her tears.  Then, she went on to find Kaitlyn.  At one point, I looked over at them to see the two girls, standing close, Kaitlyn with her arm around Mary’s shoulders.  I saw her explain to another little girl, who was about the same age, that Mary was a little sad because her mom died of breast cancer.  The other girl, whom Mary had just met, offered her condolences to Mary.  This girl, too, knew of breast cancer since her own mom had fought it and survived.  I couldn’t help but marvel at these children, comforting one another, sharing a common monster.  Kaitlyn’s grandmothers are both breast cancer survivors.  And so there, standing in front of me, were 3 girls, all with good reason to be there, where hope is the focus.   As the torch bearers walked to the river, the song “My Heart Will Go On” sung by Celine Dion was played over the sound system.  I fell apart.  I couldn’t help it.  Jayne was my friend, and in spite of all that happened with regard to Mary, I still felt the sting of her untimely death.  And the irony of the date, and the gift she gave me,  couldn’t be missed. 

The Little Knight Takes Up a Cause

I’m in trouble, right?

Musings

I heard a great take on “doubting Thomas” the other night.  It’s been on my mind since.

Justin McRoberts was at Lifepath on Sunday.  He gave a great message about Compassion Int. and then he did a show in the evening.  During the show, he told us a story about himself and some friends.  It was at a time when 2 very important people in his life passed away.  He was still learning about Christ, and his friends were aware of this.  They questioned him on how he could still have faith in God after what had happened.  Justin explained to us that as we look at the story of Thomas, there is an interesting fact that is often overlooked.  Thomas needed to see and feel the wounds on Jesus before he would believe that Jesus had in fact risen.  And so Jesus, wounds and all, appeared to Thomas and allowed him to touch and and feel the wounds.  …touch and feel the wounds….of the risen Christ.  The RISEN CHRIST BORE THE SCARS OF THE WOUNDS THAT KILLED HIM.  That’s the part we overlook.  He took the wounds with him.  They were not completely healed.  It was through these scars that Thomas could believe

What does this mean to me?  It means that if I am “wounded”, and who among us isn’t, and I seek healing but don’t receive the healing I desire, it may just be that through MY wounds, MY faith will shine for someone else.  My wounds then become a doorway by which someone who is unbelieving, or doubting, may pass.

“You see the question isn’t are you gonna die, you’re gonna die.  But will you be done living when you do?” Justin McRoberts

It is what it is…

An example of Christ’s heart working in the lives of this couple.  What would you do?

The dreaded vacuum cleaner

I have to vacuum frequently.  I have 3 dogs and a sandy yard for them to play in.  It’s difficult to keep up with it. 

One of my dogs, Spirit, is really afraid of the vacuum cleaner.  I have never ever terrorized my dogs with it, nor have I ever encouraged them to play with it.  Neither of those things helps to create a stable dog.  I would sometimes vacuum around her crate when she was in it, just so that she had a level of security, but never in a threatening way.  She’s just not comfortable with this big, noisy, smelly, vibrating thing near her.  She will follow me around, at a comfortable distance, always keeping an eye on where it is.  When necessary, she will dart away into another room, or even sometimes be brave enough to leap over the monster or the monster’s tail (the cord) to safety.

I was thinking about this as I was vacuuming a little while ago.  The purpose of the vacuum cleaner is to pick up the dust, dirt and debris that is tracked into our homes.  It leaves the surface clean.  Not sparkling clean, but clean.  Sometimes I think God wants to do that within me.  He wants to just get into my spirit and clean up the dust, dirt and debris that has been tracked in from the world; the internet, the TV, radio–life in general.  Sometimes I run from it.  Sometimes I am just not comfortable with the thought of exposing and then cleaning.  I want to sweep it under the rug, and hopefully forget about it.  I don’t let God put that spiritual vacuum cleaner to work…