…in the arms of the Father

My Dear Child,

Today I remember you.  There is no special reason, no anniversary or holiday.   But you are on my mind, and I wanted you to know that.

 You will never know how my arms long to hold you, and how my heart aches at the thought of you.  You are so far away from me, and I can’t help but wonder what you are doing and who you are with.  I hope that you are happy.

Someday I hope to explain things to you so that you might understand why things happened the way that they did.  Things are so different now and looking back, there are many things I would do differently if I had the chance.  But I don’t.  What is done is done. 

God has sent another child to me.  A child who needs a mother as much as I need a child.  In her I see you, I hear you, I feel you.  She will never take the place of you;  you are my child, but she is the child God wants me to have.  Through her you speak to me and I hear you.  I thank God everyday for her not because she is here and you are not, but because of her I know you,  and knowing you allows me to love her for who she is.

I know you can’t understand now, but I really do love you.  I always have.  I wouldn’t let myself believe that for a long time, mostly because I guess it hurt too much.  It still does.  Little did I know then that I was putting you in the arms of someone who loves you so very, very much!  For that, I am grateful.  I know that you are protected and cared for better than I could ever hope to protect or care for you.  The arms of your Father are strong, and comforting.  Rest there, and know that I will be with you again someday.  Until then, play, sing, dance and praise the One who made you, for you are precious to Him! 

I hope that soon I can find the courage to really let you go…

Love always,

Mommy

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4 thoughts on “…in the arms of the Father

  1. klampert says:

    wow Lori…that is a great letter…Is this from you? This is really a great look into the heart of God as well

  2. lori says:

    Hey Joel, thanks for stopping by. Yes, that is from me. Thanks for the comment.

  3. tam says:

    Lori, I’m glad you stopped by and linked me to here. I understand your words in this letter. Letting go is indeed the hardest part. Letting go doesn’t mean never looking back. You will always have that moment and those feelings with you. But you can release it and her into the gracious arms of God – who holds your precious one til you go home to hold her yourself. Letting go for me meant that I knew God was in control and I was not. It meant I trusted and believed that He truly forgave me, which made it easier to forgive myself.

    When I told my daughter about my abortions I said she was my 1st born, but my 3rd chance to get it right. God is merciful, isn’t He?

    Nice to meet you Lori!

    This really is a beautiful letter…

    Tam

  4. klampert says:

    well im glad Ive found ya…Wish I would have found you back in april when you started…

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