Landslide

Just heard this song on the radio and it struck a chord with me.  I’ve known this Fleetwood Mac song since I was a young teenager;  I even taught myself how to finger pick it similar to Lindsay Buckingham.  I have always loved this song, but it just occurred to me that there is something really powerful about these words:

Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life

Well, Ive been afraid of changing
cause Ive built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I’m getting older to

The child within my heart hasn’t risen above and I find myself fighting the changing ocean tides.  Clearly, I have been challenged in the seasons of my life.  I’ve been afraid of changing.  I’ve built my life around the shame, guilt, loss and longing associated with abortion.  I don’t know how to live without it.  Older?  Yes.  Bolder?  No way.

24 years later, I am finally able to admit it, to say it out loud.  I’m wounded, I’m bleeding, I’m hurting and I’m limping along but I’m on the path that leads to healing.  I’ve been forgiven by Him.  I’m learning to accept that forgiveness.  I have found friends to support me, who don’t judge me and who don’t make me feel as alien as I feel about myself sometimes.

I’m so blessed.  God has worked in my life in so many ways.  He has given to me a husband I don’t deserve.  He is the pillar of strength that holds me up in dark days and he is the brick wall that sustains the crashes each and every time they come, and he never chips.  I have been given a daughter.  She is the light that shines in the shadows of the past.  She is the focal point of my everyday.  I have been given friends, some at great distances away, that feel more like family than I have ever known.  He has given me friends nearby that provide the hugs and smiles and ears that love me no matter what I say.  I can’t resist my friends; God has made that impossible.  And I love Him for that (among other things.)

Change is coming.  Change is good.  God is good.  He will see me through.  And the landslide?  Well, I’ve figured out that since I won’t move the things standing in my way, God is providing a terrific landslide to move what I won’t.  God is good.

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3 thoughts on “Landslide

  1. beautifully said, lori… i can relate to so many levels in this post. amen to the list of wounded, bleeding, healing, etc….
    amen.

  2. tam says:

    Lori – you have written this so amazingly! You are a true writer.

    You are definitely on your way over that bridge!

    Much Love!
    Tam

  3. lori says:

    Thanks, Tam! Thanks, Mandy! Coming from you guys, those are quite the complements! I’m humbled….I respect you both, as writers and musicians!

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