A Second Letter

My Dear Child,

I wrote to you a little while ago to express my love for you to you.  Today I write to you to tell you that I am beginning the journey of healing from the hurt of losing you.

Many years ago I was faced with a decision about you.  It was not an easy time for me.  There were many reasons why I made the decision I made, mostly due to influences from other people who were, although well meaning, not looking out for your best interest, but mine and theirs.  Looking back at that, I am pained to know that I didn’t do more to protect you. 

At the time, I thought that I had made the best decision for both you and I.   For a very long time I believed that down to my very core.  In a way, I denied you and for that I am sorry– so very, very sorry.    I know that if I had made another decision, I would not be suffering the pain I now suffer.  I realize now the mistake I made and the hole that is left in my heart as a result of that decision is one that only you can fill.   Someday, that dream too will come true. 

I know that you are in a good place, with the love of God to protect you and nurture you.  Your life, the life you now live with a Father who loves you dearly, is precious to me.  I cling to the knowledge that you and I will be reunited one day, and that there will be nothing but love between us. 

As I begin the process of sorting out all that happened at that time, all the anger, all the pain, all the feelings associated with this, I hope that I will find you, your innocence.  I find joy in the presence of a child in my life, and I still see, hear and feel you through her.  I pray that God will continue to allow your voice to be heard, even if it is through my healing. 

Remember that your mother loves you.  Know that your Father loves you; rest in Him.  Rejoice in Him.

Until we meet again,

Mommy

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “A Second Letter

  1. tam says:

    beautiful

    hopeful

    paving the way to healing…

  2. oh wow.

    definitely healing

  3. liz says:

    Lori — I don’t know how I didn’t realize that you had a blog. I found you from Suzanne, who has you linked.

    Amazing. This post and many many others. (If my boss only knew what I was really over in my office doing! Reading all your archives!!)

    Hope you are well. Mary looks so very happy in all the pictures. I am happy for you all!

    Blessings,
    liz

  4. lori says:

    Hey Liz! Thanks for commenting! Yeah, I’m here…in all my ‘glory’

    Please don’t get in trouble at work over my posts! I sure would feel bad!

    I’ll put more pics up soon.

    Hope all is well for you and for the boys! We miss you.

    ~Lori

  5. Jessie says:

    thank you for this letter–I have written one to my son also. I know these feelings you pour out in this letter.
    It is very hard.
    He wants us to heal. I know this in my heart. Thank you for wanting to help others on this journey. I have the same heart’s desire. May He richly bless you and your family. I can’t tell you how much I have enjoyed your writing so far!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s