Anatomy of an Abortion

She walked, slowly, up the stairs. Reaching for the glass door, she was unsure what to expect. Instantly she thought of the series of events that lead to this moment; shame and fear flooded over her. One small part of her wanted to run, run from the door, from him, from them, from the whole situation. But she didn’t. The part of her that wanted to run was overpowered by her pride. She couldn’t do what she wanted to now no matter what. It would mean she wasn’t strong. It would mean admitting that she wasn’t capable of making her own decisions only reinforcing that THIS decision was right because it was theirs, that they were right. Going on her own allowed her to maintain some level of control in an otherwise out of control situation. It made them think that she agreed with them, and it made her feel like she was making the decision. She continued to wrestle with the decision as she walked through the door and into the cold empty lobby.

She thought she would see a medical office, with office staff and other familiar sights. She thought she would see a waiting room, complete with magazines and tables. Instead, it was more like a corporate office lobby. It seemed cold, professional. The thoughts of running crept in again, but once again pride over took them.

As she waited for her “interview”, she again thought of the circumstances that brought her to this point. Why, she wondered, had she violated her own moral code? Why had she defied her parents, her mother? Why had she wanted to wander from the safety and security of childhood? And why can’t she go back? Why does it have to be this way? She wanted to turn back the hands of time and change the decisions that were made, to make better ones…different ones. She looked down at her slightly swollen belly, and quickly diverted her own attention. She couldn’t, wouldn’t, allow herself to go there. She couldn’t think about it.

A moment later, they called her name. She followed through the wooden door. A few hours later, she emerged, tearfully, painfully, empty.

Advertisements

9 thoughts on “Anatomy of an Abortion

  1. klampert says:

    Wow….no other words

  2. Alexmummy says:

    Hi lori
    Hope you are doing ok?
    You word things so well, have you thought about writing a book? You would make an excellent writer. Like Klambert has said-no other words really. You get your point across so well, thank you for sharing this.

    Hope you and the family are well, hope to catch you in chat again soon. Still working on my blog, not updated it since before i went on hols. I am currently working on how i put photos onto it?

    Have an excellent weekend, i am off camping with my church to a special event where we will worship attend seminars and spend time with god for three days. I am really looking forward to it , just pray for no rain please!!!
    God bless you
    Love

    Your english friend Karenxxx

  3. Mom says:

    I wonder how long this pain has been festering, and what I could have done or could be yet doing to help ease the pain. I am so terribly sorry for the pain you carry, and never knew it was there.

  4. lori says:

    You couldn’t know it was there because I didn’t know it was there. There is no blame. There is nothing you can do…I have to work it through to the end…and the end is in sight. It happened. But God is going to turn it into something good. He’s already started to…

  5. darla says:

    I love you. and more than that Jesus loves you…I know that doesn’t make things a whole lot different for the moment…But you have my admiration, for writing this, and now the enemy can not use it anymore… YOu are forgiven and loved adopted accepted, and blessed!

  6. Jason says:

    I am honestly..lost for words. Every time I read a story like this, it always freezes me in the moment. They always touch my heart. You are a strong person, and being able to express and share these things just proves so. Thank you for sharing this with me.

    • lori says:

      Hey Jason,

      Thanks for visiting and taking the time to read and comment. I think it’s so important to express, somehow, just what abortion really is, and what it really means. There are so many out there who just don’t know, because no one tells them!

      This was very therapeutic for me as well. All the memories I had been holding on to for so long finally had a place to go.

      Healing is a process…one little step at a time!

  7. tam says:

    i am so proud of you. you are indeed a strong woman. i love your story of redemption and healing and how bravely you share it.

    i admire you, lori.

    love ya.

    • lori says:

      Thanks, Tam. You have given me so much hope, and encouragement! I am so in a different place than I was a short time ago, and your raw, real, persistant, open and honest “chats” with me are in part the reason! This sister-hood in Christ is an amazing network of women…and I’m so glad to share a part in it with you!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s