The woman asked her what she wanted to get out of their meetings. Her eyes dropped to the floor. Inside she was answering the question with words like “whole” and “happy”. She opened her mouth to speak but the words wouldn’t come out. Finally, after what seemed to be forever, she said “I want to be able to give my daughter all of me, not just part of me.”
She worked through the study, answering the questions, looking up the bible passages. To her, it didn’t seem like anything was working. She was still angry, still hurt, still condemning…and there it was.
Interjection: In the process of healing, at some point the condemning has to stop. There has to be a line in the sand where the self condemnation gives way to self forgiveness. When the judgment of others gives way to forgiveness of others.
She admitted to herself that this was where she needed to work the hardest. She did the exercise of assigning blame; understanding that she didn’t make the decision herself but that there were others who influenced her. She worked through forgiving each of the individuals she had included. She read the bible passages. Some of it helped, most of it didn’t. There wasn’t anything revealed to her in that bible study that she didn’t already know. One thing did happen though: she had started to talk about it. She had started to come out from the shadows of the past, and test the waters of the present. For so long she had resisted full disclosure for fear of judgment, abandonment, ridicule. She learned that there were many women in the bible who dealt with similar issues. They all came out from the shadows and found love and acceptance in God and Jesus. She was learning that each time she shared a little of her heart, she was met with compassion, understanding, encouragement.