I was just thinking about forgiveness.
Not too long ago, I was struggling with my past and how God’s forgiveness of my past fit into my life. At some point, and I’m not sure when, it became clear to me that God did in fact forgive me, and that I no longer had to worry about that. Forgiving myself, however, was a different story.
Many people would say to me “When you can’t forgive yourself, it’s like saying God isn’t enough; that Jesus on the cross wasn’t enough for you.” I didn’t get that. I wouldn’t get that. And I’m not going to say now that I do. But what I am going to say is that sometimes, the understanding of forgiveness just needs to settle in to our core and become part of who we are. There doesn’t always have to be a flash-point moment when you just jump up and say “I’m forgiven!! I forgive myself!!” Sometimes, you just have to let it sink down into the bottom of who you are and let the wrestling begin. It will end. It always does. But in expecting that “Aha!” moment, I think we can set ourselves up for some severe dissappointment.
I guess, in a way, it’s like wine. The first taste can be bitter. But once the flavor settles in, the sweet fruit can rise above and fill your mouth.