On saying goodbye

This is a difficult post.  My little girl just turned 8 years old.  Her birthday party was a smash hit, and she got to follow it with Easter Sunday the very next day.  Then, a short 10 days later, we have to break the news to her that her birth mother has passed away.  She died of cancer. She was 45.

The services start tomorrow evening with calling hours, and then the funeral is the next day.  How will we comfort this child when she is faced with the reality of the death of the woman who gave her life?  My heart is so heavy for her right now.  I knew this day was coming.  I knew it would happen soon.  I felt in an odd position due to the circumstances of our relationship.  This was a woman we have known for many years…someone who had been a friend, and then later a nemesis.

As we have woven our way through the process of transitioning roles in the life of this child, one thing has always been clear:  the love of a mother for a daughter.  This birth mother wanted this child.  She loved this child.  She adored this child.  She was completely ill-equipped to raise her.  I am capable, willing and able to raise this child.  I adore this child.  I love this child.  This adoptive mother wanted this child.  And even broader, the birth mother’s mother, has now become a member of our family and us of hers.  She lost her only daughter the other day; the mother to her grand daughter.  She told me tonight that she knows she has a new family with us as well, and she wants to introduce me as her daughter…her new daughter.

I don’t know how we will answer the questions that are bound to come up.  I know and trust that God is in control and will give us the words to speak at the very moment we need them.  But as I sit here and think about a mother saying goodbye to a daughter, a daughter saying goodbye to a mother, and a mother embracing a new daughter and a new mother, I can’t help but be in awe of the awesome creation that is family.  And how He really can make all things new.


3 thoughts on “On saying goodbye

  1. Mom says:

    As your birth mother, Lori, I am very honored and please to share the title ‘mother’ with Jaynes’ Mom. It wlll not dilute our relationship, but rather will enhance it. Go for it if it makes you and Betty happy. Our family will always have room to love one more, and again more.


  2. Mom says:

    P.S. How many little girls can say they have three grandmothers?

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