It’s been a while since I wrote anything. But Easter is coming. And I really want to share this.
I was compelled the last couple of years to bring flowers to church. I brought 2 Easter Lilies and in each pot, I placed a small stuffed bunny. I plan on doing the same thing again this year. It’s my way of thanking God for the grace and forgiveness He has showered on me. And the blessings that He has given me in the way of a little girl, and for the time being, a little boy.
My story started a long time ago when I made a decision to have an abortion. That decision left me scared in many ways. Then, after dealing with a ruptured ectopic pregnancy, I found my house and my heart empty…there were no children, there was no laughter, no scolding, no tickling, no bedtime prayers, no staying up late to finish homework. I tried to fill that void in so many ways. I cared for my dogs as if they were my children (they still are!) but that didn’t ease the longing for what I didn’t have.
I was broken. I didn’t have a clue.
But God did. And He waited for me. When I finally gave myself over to Him, what I felt was love. Forgiveness. Grace. Mercy. No one, NO ONE, had ever shown me that…e.v.e.r. All I ever knew was conditional.
I believe that the baby I aborted was a girl, and the baby I lost as a result of the ectopic pregnancy was a boy. I hold on to that belief because it allows me to recognize them as people, human beings that God created for a purpose. Although they did not have the chance to live that purpose, I am allowing Him to use them through me for another purpose, a divine purpose designed by Him after I stepped off the path He had created for me.
And now, I am Mom to one child whom we adopted, and one child whom we are fostering. One has a birthday right before Easter, and the other is right after Easter. Just God’s way of punctuating life for me. And when I put those Easter Lilies in the church this year, it will be for them too, one girl, and one boy.
E, C, I love you. M, T, I love you. Jesus, thank you.